Yes it Does
Part LXXXIX

Tum-T-Tum-Tum-TUMS

Every single one of Yes’s friends, co-workers, and casual acquaintances were gathered at his house for mingling and for chitter-chatter.

“So the elevator door closed on me and wouldn’t let loose,” Matt regaled. “I felt like I was being eaten by the contraption.” He shoved a handful of fried black bean dip into his mouth. Then he let out a short squeal of a fart. “Hmm. Not too impressive.”

Not a very impressive fart indeed. Last week when Yes had Tim and Zachary the Leader of the Smell Team over to play backgammon, Yes had a terrible gas attack. He considered it an affront to his guests that not all of his other friends could be there to share in the gaseousness, so he declared that the following weekend would be a fart party.

“A farty!” Tim called it.

“I’ll bring the entire smell team with me,” Zachary promised.

He came through on that promise. Yes’s 800-square-foot home was filled with over 120 people, most of them belonging to Zachary’s smell team. Hors d’oeuvres of mostly pâté and bean dip were scattered around the rooms to facilitate gas-passing. However, like Matt’s disappointing toot, their rectal air horns were unexpectedly silent.

“Yes does does it does,” Yes pondered, then turned to Tim for an explanation.

“I – I don’t know…” Tim trailed off. He massaged his belly with his fingers. “I’m not feeling much in my butt, but my tummy is sure giving me the business.”

Others at the party agreed with Tim’s assessment and determined that Yes had failed to provide the appropriate gas-inducing appetizers.

“Dyspepsia,” Zachary the Leader of the Smell Team mumbled. He knew this was his time to shine. Fumbling through his many pants pockets, Zachary uncovered handfuls of antacid tablets and flung them into the air and letting them rain onto the party participants. The party munched on the tablets and resigned themselves to the reality of a relatively fartless soiree.

“Does. Does. Does. Does,” Yes apologized as the guests filed out of his home. 

“No worries, Yes,” Tim reassured him. “I think we’re all expecting some filthy stenches in the bathroom later on because of this party.”

After all of his guests were gone, Yes helped himself to the leftover antacid tablets that his guests stepped on and left on the floor. He discovered that they weren’t antacid tablets at all but actually Necco wafers.

“It does yes,” Yes cursed out Zachary the Leader of the Smell Team. Some hero. The end.