Yes it Does
Part LXXXIII

Imitation Assbumps

Yes convinced his friends Mark, Tim, Matt and Taras the Human Hondog to let him peel off the pimples, moles and irregularly-shaped growths found on each of their asses and market them as a refreshing snack. He sold them at movie theaters after successfully strong-arming the owners into selling them.

“It it it yes yes it does does,” Yes threatened. Potentially exposing their illegal panda bear porn ring, the theater owners bent to Yes’s will.

It was just as well, because patrons loved the snacks. Yes marketed them under the name “Sweetbumps,” with the tagline “the only truly human-grown snackfood.”

Yes’s friends benefited two-fold. First, they received a cut of the profits; second, they could feast on their own assbumps charge-free.

“I like to sniff my butt, I like to lick my own butt and I enjoy talking to my butt. And it talks back! My butt has bad breath, but I smell it anyway,” Matt summed up his personal situation.

Frank Stallone was inspired. “I can do better than that,” he said. Yes had a tendency to wash the assbumps once they were plucked. This was an error, Frank believed. Yes was destroying the freshness and rawness that the people would really enjoy if the bumps were picked and then packaged immediately afterwards.

However, Frank was unable to coax Mark, Tim, Matt, or Taras into joining him. He was only able to use the assbumps from a few bloodhounds and a couple of beavers he was able to corral. Needless to say, no one who sampled them was fooled. Except for Tim, who couldn’t tell the difference between a beaver assbump and one of his own.

“He’s definitely got the recipe down pat,” Tim admitted.

After a violent fit of rage, Yes calmed down and discussed options with Frank Stallone. Yes proposed to have their products sold side-by-side in theaters, but with Frank’s product called “Sweatbumps.” Preferring to keep their disagreement out of court, Frank agreed to Yes’s proposition on the spot.

Two months later, Frank went out of business. Everyone agreed that his “Sweatbumps” tasted like shit.

The end.